Da Bears, Politics, n Penn State

Where to begin, let’s see…  Hello fellow Nagel followers, glad to be back.  I seem to have misplaced my keyboard for quite sometime, but low and behold it was sitting next to the cheap bottle of half empty port (always in front of me), how could I miss it.

These are some crazy times, and we have some important issues to discuss, from the presidential election to the BCS polls to the Chicago Bears defense; they all have serious problems.  I know, I know, lies win elections… certain conferences are “better” then others and Chicago land football is all about bruising defensive toughness.

Bull Honky I say (not actually sure what that means).  But anyway…

Q: Are people really dumb enough to believe these lies?

A: Abso-freakin-lutely

The main reason all these things exist, is because people are not that smart (I include myself in this statement, as I have fallen for it many times, wait no I haven‘t, but at least I considered it a possibility)… refer to exibit A:

(26 August 2006, Leicester, England) Darren’s death was a mystery. The 33-year-old was found slumped in the hallway of his house, bleeding from stab wounds to his chest. Police initially assumed that an assailant had attacked him, but they could find no supporting evidence. A year later, the inquest revealed why Darren can stake his claim to a place among the winners of the Darwin Award.

Darren had called a friend, but minutes after he hung up, rang back to ask for an ambulance. The front door was ajar, and Darren was found lying near a bloodstained lock-knife he had purchased whilst on holiday in Spain. Forensics investigators saw no indication of a struggle, and the coroner reported that the stab wounds seemed to be self-inflicted. However, Darren had shown no suicidal tendencies.

His wife, who was on holiday at the time of the incident, cleared up the mystery, and revealed why our subject will go down in history as a Darwin Award winner. As she was leaving for the holiday, she remembered Darren wondering whether his new jacket was ‘stab-proof’.

That’s right. Darren decided to find out if his jacket could withstand a knife attack. Did he choose to test his jacket while it was draped over the back of a chair? No, our man thought that the best approach would be to wear the garment and stab himself. Sadly, his choice of armor proved less resistant to a sharp blade than he had hoped.

The coroner reached a verdict of accidental death by ‘misadventure’.

See, I told you.

I run across people regularly that still think Obama’s Muslim, the Big 10 sucks, and the Bears Defense is why they win games.  Wrong, Wrong, and Wrong.

All political quagmires it seems.  One devised to win an election, one devised to get better rankings and one devised to fit tradition.  So let’s settle this once and for all.  Barrack Obama is a normal American dude, not a terrorist, and he’s a smart guy, and not an anti Semite… The Big 10 is good, even though Michigan stinks and Ohio State loses in big Games, and The Bears have an average defense and a very good offense.  Oh, and Colt Brennen is a stooge, just thought I’d throw that in.

Hmmm, I honestly don’t know what to say to republicans except “really?” and “c’mon”  in the words of Peter Griffin.  I know you’re either poor and religious or rich and greedy, but let’s just put that behind us and make the world better.  To you religious freaks, get over it, we all like to be spiritual but keep it to yourself, maybe you guys can come up with a ban on marriage to God while you’re at it, Jesus.  And to all you evil rich bastards, seriously, have you ever seen Robin Hood?  He’s the good guy, and you’re the bad guys, remember?  Share your shit or we will rob from the rich to give to the poor, cause it’s noble.  You Bastards.  Yet I digress.

Let’s take a look at why people think the Big 12 and the SEC as the holy grail.  I mean how else could you explain Alabama and Texas Tech being ahead of Penn State in the BCS poll, when all teams are undefeated… Texas Tech?  Really?  What a joke.  Oh they must have played harder out of conference teams right?  Let’s see, Eastern Washington, Nevada, Southern Methodist, and Massachusetts.  Ha, did anyone even know these schools had football teams?  These guys had one hard game and they won against Texas at home.  That’s it.  Certainly not reason enough to vault from 7 to 2 in front of Penn State, a team that has also beaten everyone they’ve faced, including Ohio St. on the road.  And let’s not forget that Penn State absolutely destroyed the team that handed USC it’s only loss, Oregon St.  And then when considering the great Alabama, besides Georgia (a team that was obviously very overrated at the beginning of the season) has only played 2 other teams that are over .500 Mississippi and Kentucky, both mediocre teams at best.  So when it really comes down to it, Penn State is just as worthy of the #1 spot as either of these teams, and certainly, you cannot deny Joe Paterno’s undefeated team a shot at the championship.

Moving on.  Moving on.  Wait, I need to write more about the Bears, but first I need to sleep.  Just remember, Kyle Orton is a Stud.