College Football Week 13

It’s obvious that the world is now obsessed with the sports powerhouse school the University at Buffalo.  They have a bowl eligible football team, a front page article on ESPN.com and they have a hoops team that is undefeated……and only play on the road no less.  Throw in a coach that has more rumors talked about him than celebrities on TMZ, and welcome to the forefront of college athletics UB.

Sadly none of this will matter for me this evening as I will clench my ass cheeks together from 6pm until approximately 10pm.  Each game gets bigger for the Bulls, not big like Oklahoma-Texas Tech, but still big none-the-less.  Just remember the 2008 Bulls, because once again the rumors are swirling like a Lake Erie wind stating that Gill will take any and every job not in Buffalo this offseason.

Da Bears, Politics, n Penn State

Where to begin, let’s see…  Hello fellow Nagel followers, glad to be back.  I seem to have misplaced my keyboard for quite sometime, but low and behold it was sitting next to the cheap bottle of half empty port (always in front of me), how could I miss it.

These are some crazy times, and we have some important issues to discuss, from the presidential election to the BCS polls to the Chicago Bears defense; they all have serious problems.  I know, I know, lies win elections… certain conferences are “better” then others and Chicago land football is all about bruising defensive toughness.

Bull Honky I say (not actually sure what that means).  But anyway…

Q: Are people really dumb enough to believe these lies?

A: Abso-freakin-lutely

The main reason all these things exist, is because people are not that smart (I include myself in this statement, as I have fallen for it many times, wait no I haven‘t, but at least I considered it a possibility)… refer to exibit A:

(26 August 2006, Leicester, England) Darren’s death was a mystery. The 33-year-old was found slumped in the hallway of his house, bleeding from stab wounds to his chest. Police initially assumed that an assailant had attacked him, but they could find no supporting evidence. A year later, the inquest revealed why Darren can stake his claim to a place among the winners of the Darwin Award.

Darren had called a friend, but minutes after he hung up, rang back to ask for an ambulance. The front door was ajar, and Darren was found lying near a bloodstained lock-knife he had purchased whilst on holiday in Spain. Forensics investigators saw no indication of a struggle, and the coroner reported that the stab wounds seemed to be self-inflicted. However, Darren had shown no suicidal tendencies.

His wife, who was on holiday at the time of the incident, cleared up the mystery, and revealed why our subject will go down in history as a Darwin Award winner. As she was leaving for the holiday, she remembered Darren wondering whether his new jacket was ’stab-proof’.

That’s right. Darren decided to find out if his jacket could withstand a knife attack. Did he choose to test his jacket while it was draped over the back of a chair? No, our man thought that the best approach would be to wear the garment and stab himself. Sadly, his choice of armor proved less resistant to a sharp blade than he had hoped.

The coroner reached a verdict of accidental death by ‘misadventure’.

See, I told you.

I run across people regularly that still think Obama’s Muslim, the Big 10 sucks, and the Bears Defense is why they win games.  Wrong, Wrong, and Wrong.

All political quagmires it seems.  One devised to win an election, one devised to get better rankings and one devised to fit tradition.  So let’s settle this once and for all.  Barrack Obama is a normal American dude, not a terrorist, and he’s a smart guy, and not an anti Semite… The Big 10 is good, even though Michigan stinks and Ohio State loses in big Games, and The Bears have an average defense and a very good offense.  Oh, and Colt Brennen is a stooge, just thought I’d throw that in.

Hmmm, I honestly don’t know what to say to republicans except “really?” and “c’mon”  in the words of Peter Griffin.  I know you’re either poor and religious or rich and greedy, but let’s just put that behind us and make the world better.  To you religious freaks, get over it, we all like to be spiritual but keep it to yourself, maybe you guys can come up with a ban on marriage to God while you’re at it, Jesus.  And to all you evil rich bastards, seriously, have you ever seen Robin Hood?  He’s the good guy, and you’re the bad guys, remember?  Share your shit or we will rob from the rich to give to the poor, cause it’s noble.  You Bastards.  Yet I digress.

Let’s take a look at why people think the Big 12 and the SEC as the holy grail.  I mean how else could you explain Alabama and Texas Tech being ahead of Penn State in the BCS poll, when all teams are undefeated… Texas Tech?  Really?  What a joke.  Oh they must have played harder out of conference teams right?  Let’s see, Eastern Washington, Nevada, Southern Methodist, and Massachusetts.  Ha, did anyone even know these schools had football teams?  These guys had one hard game and they won against Texas at home.  That’s it.  Certainly not reason enough to vault from 7 to 2 in front of Penn State, a team that has also beaten everyone they’ve faced, including Ohio St. on the road.  And let’s not forget that Penn State absolutely destroyed the team that handed USC it’s only loss, Oregon St.  And then when considering the great Alabama, besides Georgia (a team that was obviously very overrated at the beginning of the season) has only played 2 other teams that are over .500 Mississippi and Kentucky, both mediocre teams at best.  So when it really comes down to it, Penn State is just as worthy of the #1 spot as either of these teams, and certainly, you cannot deny Joe Paterno’s undefeated team a shot at the championship.

Moving on.  Moving on.  Wait, I need to write more about the Bears, but first I need to sleep.  Just remember, Kyle Orton is a Stud.

College Football Week 10

White People are Evil in all “Inspirational” Sports Movies

If you’ve ever seen a sports movie with a preachy message about overcoming adversity, and you are white, then you probably have left the theatre with a twinge of guilt or rage after watching the movie.  I know I have, in fact I know racist people who have.  Look, I’m not trying to start a race war here, but I am upset with the portrayal of most white characters in sports movie with racial tension as an undertone.  What do I mean?  Here’s a list:

College Football Week 2

I went 1-3 and damn, that wasn’t the worst part of Saturday.

Dear readers, we all know that LWN is quite fond of Gainesville.  Now that I live only 1.5 short hours away from the “Tree City,” I made a trip over after the Hawaii game to meet up with Thrillho and some of my merry minstrels.  Unfortunately, the night ending in sheer terror, I think.  What I mean by this is that three of us were pummelled with what I beleive I told the police in my report “bat-like objects.”  For reasons unknown, LWN, Thrillho and soon-to-be contributor “lab boy” were beaten nearly unconscious by a roving group of, [well I guess you could call them] thugs for no reason whatsoever.

June Jones/Colt Brennan Leave Hawaii For Greener Pastures, Readers Still Hate Kaplan572

Well Warrior fans, your two most notable residents will be leaving you soon.  Your boy Colt Brennan left his heart, and many brain cells on the field in Louisiana after getting throttled by Georgia.  Now your undisputed leader is leaving to go coach a dead program in Dallas.  By the way, SMU plays in Conference USA a mid level conference with no major bowl tie-ins.  Jones left the WAC, a better conference which has made a name for itself the past two years.

Even though I assume your administrative officials performed a “haka” in front of Jones to keep him from leaving, it was not enough.  You see Hawaii fans, you had a magical season now it is over.  Your temperate climate was not enough to keep your coach.  Perhaps the combination of your expensive goods, crappy pay and aging facilities forced your leader out.  If you want to play with the big boys, you need to “pony” up the dough…exactly what SMU did. 

LWN And TMOC Go Head To Head

 

LWN and The Man of Cheese got together at the LWN staff offices to go Head to Head for a battle of college bowl supremacy.  Each remaining bowl game was chosen by the two, and a coin flip determined first choice in team picking.  We went through the games chronologically and chose using spreads available on 12/21.  The team not chosen by the writer was given to the other writer.  For example, if LWN chose Memphis +3.5, TMOC got FAU -3.5 and so on.

College Football Bowl Preview – Edition 1

“College Coaches Are No Different Than South American Freedom Fighters.”

 

An open letter to college coaches-

Dear Money Grubbing Ego-maniacal Scumbags:

I understand that coaching can be a brutal profession, but as Gregg Easterbrook pointed out, it can also be done by volunteers (unlike surgeons).  The only reason that your families collapse, your health fades and you sleep in your offices is because each of you are trying to keep up with the Joneses.

THRILLHO’s Top 10 Sports Stories of 2007

Sports fans…. The holidays are upon us, college football is in their annual 3 week lull, and obviously nobody cares about the NBA… What better time to reflect on the years best/biggest stories. Scandal dominated the news in 2007. The World Wide Leader focuses on the cheaters and liars, and the big stories reflected that.

Thrillho is heading home for the holidays, so he leaves you with his top ten run down (in no particular order). Please submit comments at the end and share your top stories of 2007:

Breaking Down the Heisman Show

It started with a crappy montage. It ended with Colt Brennan probably wondering why he flew 18 hours so that Chris Fowler could open up his past on live television. In between, well you can read that for yourself below!

LWN and blog author The Ultimate Decider of Justice (UDOJ) love montages at the opening of sports shows. UDOJ has become quite a source on montages and contends nothing can hold a candle to the opening scenes of CBS’ coverage of The Masters golf tournament.

NFL Week 14

“There is nothing wrong with being a hit whore” 

Before we start this week, I would like to point out that the traffic this site has generated lately has made LWN very happy.  Unfortunately, I am quickly becoming a hit whore and must see constant strides each day.  Anything under 700 hits per day is now wholly unacceptable.  SO with that in mind, I must mention what drives site traffic.  Without further ado-  Colt Brennan, Colt Brennan’s girlfriend, Tim Tebow, Tim Tebow crying, Helio Castroneves, Kelis, hair down dos, NFL Playoffs.