NFL Week 4

A joke Thrillho likes to tell LWN after a good (long) weekend is that on the flight back to our cities of origin, the lack of sleep, the hungover-ness and the general exhaustion due to exessive fun in the past has led to what Thrillho likes to call “Zombie Thrillho.”  I have also adopted this nomenclature as I think it is accurate, semi-depressing that a child of my age would admit this, but once again accurate. 

Symptoms of “zombie” mode may include, but are not limited to:

1.  Lack of color in the face.

2.  Dark circles under eyes.

3.  Distinct odor of death.

4.  Greasy hair.

5.  Dirty clothes.

6.  The “sweats.”

7.  Overwhelming urge to eat brains.

Thrillho claims that when he is in zombie mode, he receives an unusual amount of popularity (people who decide that they should talk to him).  You know the chatty ones that tell you life stories on the airplanes?  Most of these conversations include stupid bullshit that no one cares about but you feel compelled to be polite.  When this happens to LWN, he simply looks at the conversing initiator, and that usually solves the problem.

Why do I mention zombies, and your new catch phrase after a good weekend?  Mainly because former NFL “zombies” have signed a document giving their brains over to a joint venture between the Boston University Medical Center and the Sports Legacy Institute.  30 total athletes have donated their brains to research after they die, 16 of them are former NFL players, most notably Ted Johnson, who has been leading the charge about post concussion syndrome in the NFL.  It’s obvious these thirty athletes have been reading my blog as I have been championing greater involvement for concussion-related issues in the NFL (it’s the third headline in case you hate reading).   

The only other notable donor is Frank Wycheck who I remember for some reason….. 

I am an organ donor so I have no problems with the kind donations.  The issue is that when will this study is completed it will be what, 2050?  By then zombies will already rule the street eating brains and the NFL will have fixed this concussion issue. 

Review:

So I went 0-3 last week.  Well excuse me.  As mentioned a week earlier, I am obviously still trying to shake off the effects of my own post concussion syndrome from my trip to Gainesville.  Who knows how long it will take until my picks get back to normal.

The Rams are terrible, I mean they must be the worst team in the NFL.  I am pretty sure the Seattle WR corps is currently made up of Steve Largent, Brian Blades and Daryl Turner and yet Seattle bum-rushed the hapless Rams. 

Denver can play offense, but their defense is terrible.  Even the Raiders can lay the points on the Broncs.  Take the over in the future.

I thought Pittsburgh was super physical.  Instead, they helped prove that the NFC is better than the AFC for the first time in a looooooooooooooooong time. 

ARREST OF THE WEEK:

Tommy Kelly

I know must of you are saying “who?”  Well dear readers, since the Raiders have become the new Redskins who throw around money on sub-par players for no reason (DeAngelo Hall, Gibril Wilson, Jamarcus Russell, Dommic Rhodes, etc) Tommy Kelly is one of the highest paid defensive tackles in the NFL.  Kelly signed a 7-year 50 million dollar deal in the off season.  I’m assuming he can afford a modest cab.

Bonus arrest news:

Headline, Ohio man looks to best Kentucky man’s arrest record.

1,000 times.  Man.  Props to a coworker who shall remain nameless for this hilarious line above.

Mail From a Fan:

Eric sent us some appreciation mail from my draft preview: 

“Well it seems as though your draft predictions were incorrect. Your mock draft was ridiculous, and you my friend are a joke. You must no know a thing about football to be making these predictions. Stick to talking about Freddie Prince Jr. in the future.”

While I am hilarious, I went back to my draft preview to see how poorly or well written it was, and I must say I am not sure what Eric is talking about.  I nailed 9 draft picks, and alluded to 4-5 others and discussed the needs of each team.  One thing you can’t account for is trades, Eric.  I am sure you know that.  Also, just because you are jealous of Freddie Prinze Jr. and refuse to admit how much you love his films, don’t project your negative energy on to me pal.  I have made peace with my admittance of Fred’s and will join his on line fan club if one exists.

Headlines:

1.  A couple weeks late but Benard Pollard is not the anti-Christ. 

Look Brady/New England fans, I’m talking to you Sports Guy.  That hit by Pollard was not dirty, the t-shirts aren’t improper, and with the economy how can you blame a dude trying to make a buck over something that happened on a football field?  Where was the outrage when Osi Umeniyora was lost for the season?  Where was the cry of reform when Mark Simoneau was lost?  Oh wait, there was none.  Get over yourselves sportswriters and New England fans.  The NFL existed before Tom Brady was a starting quarterback, and the only people really affected were the ones who drafted Brady too high in their fantasy drafts. 

*Note-  When will the New England sympathizers come in with their cries of, “we would have won the Super Bowl this year if….”

Well, shit sometimes I need to paaaaaaaaaaawwwk my caaaaaaaaawwwww faaaaaaaawwww from thaaaaaa paaaaaaaaawwwwk too.  Eat it.

2.  Rodney Harrison calls Ricky Williams “dirty”

Hmmmmmm.  I would love to use the pot-kettle remark here, but I’ll go with irony here.  Harrison is a filthy hack who had used HGH and is one of the dirtiest players in the league.  He’s upset after a loss and makes a remark about a play that happens on every snap in the NFL.  It’s obvious he is still raging.

 3.  Matt Millen is gone!!!!!!!!!!!!

From Ann Arbor to Saginaw, people have been screaming some version of “ding dong the witch is dead.”  Matt Millen is the worst GM in the history of the National Football League.  Somehow the Ford family finally got out of this Rasputin-like grasp Millen had on them.  In any event, I’ll only mention his 31 win record in 8 years once today.  Expect more on this issue next week!

Selections:

1.  Green Bay @ Tampa Bay Pick ‘em

Pick Tampa Bay and their sometimes dominant defense.  On paper it looks like two evenly matched teams who are playing in Tampa.  If so, go with the Bucs.

Tampa 32-Green Bay 21

2.  Philadelphia -3 @ Chicago

After the Bears had a hot start, they seem to be falling off lately.  Let’s face it Kyle Orton is not great, not terrible either.  The problem is that the Bears defense is not as good as it was three years ago the last time these parties were together.  The reason is probably age.

Eagles 24- Bears 10

3.  AND NOW FOR MY

 

Denver -10 @ KC

I am taking a 10 point favorite on the road.  This game reeks of danger but have you seen the Chiefs play this season?  While Denver’s defense looks porous, QB juggernauts Tyler Thigpen and Damon Huard suck balls.  It looks like Kansas City is completely lost and they have no idea what they are doing. 

Denver 100- KC 10

4.  Arizona +1 @ NYJ

I like the Cardinals here because I am not impressed with the Jets and the Cardinals seem to have a few weapons to be sure.  Favre will heave-ho a stupid pass which will seal the victory for the Cards.   

AZ 20 – NYJ 17

Bets:

20 on all

Record

Last Week: 0-3

Overall: 2-4

W/L $$$ -60

Overall:  $$$ 920

 

Picks:

Super Bowl Post View

“I have become comfortably numb”

I am not sure how the tone of this piece will come off.  I am still in shock.  Sure, I knew the G-men would cover, but beat the undefeated Patriots?  If you told me Eli Manning would take the ball from his own twenty-fiveish and drive the Giants down the field to score a Super Bowl winning touch down, I might not have believed you.

LWN Picks Conference Championship Games

“I Have A Secret”

No, this is not some sort of fetish issue I have. This is the downward dog yoga position that I found myself in on Tuesday night. You see LWN is not the most flexible man on the planet. He cannot touch his toes when stretching. This coupled with the muscle/fat bulk he has put on in the past few months makes stretching extra annoying.

LWN picks Divisional Weekend

“A Story About Single Serving Friends”

We’ve all seen Fight Club. A single serving friend is someone you meet once during travel and never see again. My most recent trip to Iowa had a number of noteworthy single serving pals.

But let me back up. I would like to make it clear that I do not enjoy Iowa. I even sent a text message to my boss at one point saying, “Is this heaven (Field of Dreams reference)? No, its a vast wasteland of fertile ground.” There is not all that much to Iowa, its not the worst place I have ever seen but it still sucks. Here is why. You know sometimes I reference the University of Tennessee to say that the problem with UT- Knoxville is that two of the dumbest people I have ever met went to that school. Well, one of the dumbest, most unintentionally annoying, arrogant people I have ever met is from the great state of Iowa. We will call him “E.”

Refs Happy With Giants – Patriots Outcome

*Note this was orginally written on 12/28 

Creative refereeing and one blown defensive play led the Patriots to 16-0 this evening.  Newsflash-  New York Sportswriters still blame Eli Manning and Tom Coughlin for 9/11.

 

Oh LWN is hot after watching the game tonight.  The lack of professionalism and terrible calls made against the Giants, or calls that seemed….wait WENT in favor of the Patriots were intentional, unfathomable and terrible.  How shall I count the ways?

1. The no-call on Vince Wilfork shoving his finger INTO Brandon Jacobs eye.
2. The pass interference call against Gerris Wilkinson when he did not touch Randy Moss, the call set the Pats up at the one yard line.
3. The Illegal use of hands play call against Corey Webster when the giants sacked Brady and it was clear Dontae Stallworth pushed off.
4. The gracious timeout given to Tom Brady well after the play clock went to zero
5. The amazing personal foul on Amani Toomer for simply being on the side line when  Brandon Merriweather hit Hixon when he was well out of bounds on a kick off
6. The subsequent hold on Toomer, which was as much a hold as Stephen Neal’s hold on Fred Robbins two plays later after the Manning INT.  The only difference was that Neal was removing Robbins from the play, while Toomer was no where near the action. 
7. The 15-20 times I saw Patriots receivers run illegal pick or rub plays also their amazing ability to get open when pushing off of defenders.
8. the no call on Burress when Ellis Hobbs tackled him in the end zone

But I guess its ok because the Giants got a late 15 yarder called on Rodney Harrison.  The make up call was way too late.  This was pathetic, if there aren’t 15-20 giants fined for commenting on the officials, I would like to throw in $100 into the NFL swear jar.  This  crew was run by Johnny Greer, an official I respect.  Unfortunately they looked like a bunch of monkeys trying to hump a football while letting the Pats play however they wanted while penalizing the Giants for bullshit calls.  Bully for you Darth Bellichick.

NFL Week 15

“Dr. Bob Has Your Remedy”

I am not sure how many of you caught The World Wide Leader’s new sports show “E: 60.” A month ago, they did a feature on a handicapper named “Dr. Bob,” who is 57% correct on his picks over his 19 years in the business.

While this doesn’t sound like a huge number, it’s not only impressive, but lucrative as well. To be a successful gambler, you need to be correct 52% of the time to turn any profit whatsoever. That extra 5% is HUGE when we are talking about people who bet thousands per game.

NFL Week 14

“I don’t want to have sex with cars.”

If you have been watching commercials lately, and I bet you have then it is possible you are aware of two new ad campaigns. One is from Cadillac, the other Volkswagen. What is the Caddy slogan, something like “When you turn on your car it should return the favor.” Volkswagen’s is “When you get into your car, it should get into you.”

2007 NFL Playoff Picks (LWN Staff)

Last week the LWN staff gave you our playoff picks. This week we simulate the tournament. Enjoy the enlightenment.

Analysis: The Giants can’t lose three times in a season to the same team. New England coasts. Seattle get hot late. New England is the champ.

My life as a Bills fan…

As the lone Buffalo Bills fan contributor on this blog, I feel that I must chime in. I mean, the Bears are getting posts, why not devote one to a team that is at least .500? Lets be real, nobody expected the Bills to win that game on Sunday, I couldn’t watch past halftime. I do have issues with Belichick running up the score like he does. When you are destroying the Bills, there is no reason to go for it on 4th down. I could rant about this endlessly, but whats the point?