NFL Week 5

Washington Bailed Me Out

While everyone is still up in arms about the Washington bail out plan, while reeling on Sunday I placed a fake last second bet on the Redskins money line, which put my personal coffers in the black for the weekend.  Whew, that was a close one. 

NFL Week 4

A joke Thrillho likes to tell LWN after a good (long) weekend is that on the flight back to our cities of origin, the lack of sleep, the hungover-ness and the general exhaustion due to exessive fun in the past has led to what Thrillho likes to call “Zombie Thrillho.”  I have also adopted this nomenclature as I think it is accurate, semi-depressing that a child of my age would admit this, but once again accurate. 

Symptoms of “zombie” mode may include, but are not limited to:

1.  Lack of color in the face.

2.  Dark circles under eyes.

3.  Distinct odor of death.

4.  Greasy hair.

5.  Dirty clothes.

6.  The “sweats.”

7.  Overwhelming urge to eat brains.

Thrillho claims that when he is in zombie mode, he receives an unusual amount of popularity (people who decide that they should talk to him).  You know the chatty ones that tell you life stories on the airplanes?  Most of these conversations include stupid bullshit that no one cares about but you feel compelled to be polite.  When this happens to LWN, he simply looks at the conversing initiator, and that usually solves the problem.

Why do I mention zombies, and your new catch phrase after a good weekend?  Mainly because former NFL “zombies” have signed a document giving their brains over to a joint venture between the Boston University Medical Center and the Sports Legacy Institute.  30 total athletes have donated their brains to research after they die, 16 of them are former NFL players, most notably Ted Johnson, who has been leading the charge about post concussion syndrome in the NFL.  It’s obvious these thirty athletes have been reading my blog as I have been championing greater involvement for concussion-related issues in the NFL (it’s the third headline in case you hate reading).   

The only other notable donor is Frank Wycheck who I remember for some reason….. 

I am an organ donor so I have no problems with the kind donations.  The issue is that when will this study is completed it will be what, 2050?  By then zombies will already rule the street eating brains and the NFL will have fixed this concussion issue. 

Review:

So I went 0-3 last week.  Well excuse me.  As mentioned a week earlier, I am obviously still trying to shake off the effects of my own post concussion syndrome from my trip to Gainesville.  Who knows how long it will take until my picks get back to normal.

The Rams are terrible, I mean they must be the worst team in the NFL.  I am pretty sure the Seattle WR corps is currently made up of Steve Largent, Brian Blades and Daryl Turner and yet Seattle bum-rushed the hapless Rams. 

Denver can play offense, but their defense is terrible.  Even the Raiders can lay the points on the Broncs.  Take the over in the future.

I thought Pittsburgh was super physical.  Instead, they helped prove that the NFC is better than the AFC for the first time in a looooooooooooooooong time. 

ARREST OF THE WEEK:

Tommy Kelly

I know must of you are saying “who?”  Well dear readers, since the Raiders have become the new Redskins who throw around money on sub-par players for no reason (DeAngelo Hall, Gibril Wilson, Jamarcus Russell, Dommic Rhodes, etc) Tommy Kelly is one of the highest paid defensive tackles in the NFL.  Kelly signed a 7-year 50 million dollar deal in the off season.  I’m assuming he can afford a modest cab.

Bonus arrest news:

Headline, Ohio man looks to best Kentucky man’s arrest record.

1,000 times.  Man.  Props to a coworker who shall remain nameless for this hilarious line above.

Mail From a Fan:

Eric sent us some appreciation mail from my draft preview: 

“Well it seems as though your draft predictions were incorrect. Your mock draft was ridiculous, and you my friend are a joke. You must no know a thing about football to be making these predictions. Stick to talking about Freddie Prince Jr. in the future.”

While I am hilarious, I went back to my draft preview to see how poorly or well written it was, and I must say I am not sure what Eric is talking about.  I nailed 9 draft picks, and alluded to 4-5 others and discussed the needs of each team.  One thing you can’t account for is trades, Eric.  I am sure you know that.  Also, just because you are jealous of Freddie Prinze Jr. and refuse to admit how much you love his films, don’t project your negative energy on to me pal.  I have made peace with my admittance of Fred’s and will join his on line fan club if one exists.

Headlines:

1.  A couple weeks late but Benard Pollard is not the anti-Christ. 

Look Brady/New England fans, I’m talking to you Sports Guy.  That hit by Pollard was not dirty, the t-shirts aren’t improper, and with the economy how can you blame a dude trying to make a buck over something that happened on a football field?  Where was the outrage when Osi Umeniyora was lost for the season?  Where was the cry of reform when Mark Simoneau was lost?  Oh wait, there was none.  Get over yourselves sportswriters and New England fans.  The NFL existed before Tom Brady was a starting quarterback, and the only people really affected were the ones who drafted Brady too high in their fantasy drafts. 

*Note-  When will the New England sympathizers come in with their cries of, “we would have won the Super Bowl this year if….”

Well, shit sometimes I need to paaaaaaaaaaawwwk my caaaaaaaaawwwww faaaaaaaawwww from thaaaaaa paaaaaaaaawwwwk too.  Eat it.

2.  Rodney Harrison calls Ricky Williams “dirty”

Hmmmmmm.  I would love to use the pot-kettle remark here, but I’ll go with irony here.  Harrison is a filthy hack who had used HGH and is one of the dirtiest players in the league.  He’s upset after a loss and makes a remark about a play that happens on every snap in the NFL.  It’s obvious he is still raging.

 3.  Matt Millen is gone!!!!!!!!!!!!

From Ann Arbor to Saginaw, people have been screaming some version of “ding dong the witch is dead.”  Matt Millen is the worst GM in the history of the National Football League.  Somehow the Ford family finally got out of this Rasputin-like grasp Millen had on them.  In any event, I’ll only mention his 31 win record in 8 years once today.  Expect more on this issue next week!

Selections:

1.  Green Bay @ Tampa Bay Pick ‘em

Pick Tampa Bay and their sometimes dominant defense.  On paper it looks like two evenly matched teams who are playing in Tampa.  If so, go with the Bucs.

Tampa 32-Green Bay 21

2.  Philadelphia -3 @ Chicago

After the Bears had a hot start, they seem to be falling off lately.  Let’s face it Kyle Orton is not great, not terrible either.  The problem is that the Bears defense is not as good as it was three years ago the last time these parties were together.  The reason is probably age.

Eagles 24- Bears 10

3.  AND NOW FOR MY

 

Denver -10 @ KC

I am taking a 10 point favorite on the road.  This game reeks of danger but have you seen the Chiefs play this season?  While Denver’s defense looks porous, QB juggernauts Tyler Thigpen and Damon Huard suck balls.  It looks like Kansas City is completely lost and they have no idea what they are doing. 

Denver 100- KC 10

4.  Arizona +1 @ NYJ

I like the Cardinals here because I am not impressed with the Jets and the Cardinals seem to have a few weapons to be sure.  Favre will heave-ho a stupid pass which will seal the victory for the Cards.   

AZ 20 – NYJ 17

Bets:

20 on all

Record

Last Week: 0-3

Overall: 2-4

W/L $$$ -60

Overall:  $$$ 920

 

Picks:

Chris Henry Has Reached Legendary Status

*Note-  I have used this picture before

I love this photo because it is a mug shot of Chris Henry after he was arrested for brandishing a gun outside of an Orlando hotspot while wearing his own jersey.  Is there any other athlete that should be a first ballot arrest of the week hall of famer?  Readers, submit your opinions.

Henry’s stats:

December 2005-  Marijuana possession

January 2006-  The gun possession outside da club

June 2006-  Drunk driving and speeding

June 2006-  Giving minors booze in a hotel room

Then a couple ticky tack offenses; driving with expired plates, then driving with an expired license.

Now, most recently AFTER an 8-game suspension in 2007, Henry got into a fight with an 18-year-old then smashed his back window in with a beer bottle.  What in the name of Lawrence Phillips is going on with this guy?

 

From LWN’s 2006 archive:

4. Arrest of the week- Lawrence Phillips

Former NFL running back Lawrence Phillips, who was wanted by police for domestic violence, was arrested Sunday after allegedly running the car he was driving into three teenagers who argued with him during a pickup football game, police said. Word.

**Notes**
The car he was driving was stolen
He was already wanted for choking his girlfriend, so he did the obvious thing- play pick up football with some HS kids, then try to kill them.

Athlete-Students Have Run-Ins With Johnny Law

Britton Colquitt couldn’t resist.  He had to get drunk, then drive, then hit a parked car, then leave the scene of the accident.  According to Vols Xtra this could be Colquitt’s fifth alcohol offense.  This one is costing him his scholarship.

*Side note, there is a side bar outlining all the Tennessee football transgrssions in 2008.

West Virginia standouts Jock Sanders and Noel Devine are being questioned by authorities after they ALLEGEDLY pummelled a West Virginia student outside of a night club in Morgantown.  It appears that other football players were involved, but those attacked are not certain.  As of today there are no charges filed. 

Former baseball player and current Tennessee walk-on Vince Faison was arrested recently when he passed out in his car at a McDonalds Drive-thru.  The engine was on, his foot was on the break and the car was in gear.  Faison didn’t even wake up when the cops arrived and attempted to wake him verbally. 

Alabama freshman Jeremy Elder was arrested and charged with two counts of first degree robbery.  He was jailed and held on $120,000 bond.  That sure is a lot of wampum.  Under Alabama state law, “ first-degree robbery involves either a “deadly weapon or dangerous instrument” or someone causing “serious physical injury to another.” Both charges are Class A felonies.”  Man oh man this one sounds bad.

Arrests Of The Winter

And I thought only the “student-athletes” would get into the action!

12/13/07

Former Buc and current Vike, Dwight Smith was arrested for marijuana possession after a traffic stop.  Smith has also been arrested for “sexing” in a stair well at a Minneapolis club, and cited when he pulled a pellet gun on some dudes at a McDonalds, he was also charged in Tampa after pulling a real gun on some individuals.

12/26/07

Not one to learn from mistakes, Smith’s teammate Darrion Scott was arrested for dope two weeks after Smith.  Was it actually cold when this picture was taken?

12/28/07

More about plants!  Injured Jacksonville offensive lineman Stockar McDougle was arrested after pushing a geriatric landscape company owner to the ground.  Apparently McDougle was upset because since he neglected to pay the fees on time, the company charged him interest.    

1/11/08

Broncos TE Daniel Graham was arrested after an incident with his baby’s momma.  Apparently she sold their home and he got mad and destroyed a bedpost?  How did he not know the house was getting sold?  He is the one with the $30 million contract.  I assume the mortgage goes through him.  Congrats to the Broncos for having 5 players arrested in the football season.  3 of them were even starters!

1/14/08

Kudos to Jacksonville for having their sixth player arrested since May 2007!  Defensive End Brent Hawkins was arrested for a DUI.  He was also cited for speeding.  According to his bio, Hawkins loves community service.  That’s good news for him since he will probably be doing a lot of it.  He also seems to like cats.

Biggest Thugs in Sports/Arrest(s) of the Week Part VII

A Tuesday Twofer!

Denver punter Todd Sauerbrun (the guy who kicked to Devin Hester), was cited for assaulting a cab drvier on December 8.  Sauerbrun has more problems than a teenage girl with daddy issues.  He has been arrested for drunk driving, and suspended for four games after testing positive for a banned substance. 

Biggest Thugs In Sports/Arrest(s) Of The Week Part VI

Happy Monday!

Welcome to the club Darrell Hackney! Broncos third string QB Darrell Hackney was arrested at 2:20am on Saturday in Colorado after police had “probable cause” to assume he was under the influence. Little details are currently available. Apparently Hackney was released after being booked to a “sober third party.” I am fairly certain that this third party was not Brandon Marshall or Travis Henry.

Mike Shanahan stands behind his good players who break the law. Will he stand behind a third string QB, or make an example out of him?

Biggest Thugs in Sports/Arrest(s) of the Week Part VI

Happy Monday!

Welcome to the club Chester Pitts! Chester Pitts was arrested on November 29th after leaving Reliant Stadium. Angry neighbors near the stadium had complained drivers had been making illegal U-turns, so the police were on a stake-out! Pitts was one of four cited for illegal turns. When police flagged down another car at the site, Pitts for whatever reason decided to high tail it out of there. He got less than a half mile down the road before he pulled over again and was detained.

This is really odd since it was reported that Pitts initially cooperated with the officers. Why did he determine that a couple hundred dollars in traffic tickets was worse than an arrest? The world may never know.

I wonder if Pitts will now tell elementary school children that evading police is a crime.

Biggest Thugs in Sports/Arrest(s) of the Week

Happy Monday!

Welcome to the club Cato June! June was arrested near Raymond James Stadium after the arresting officer “detected an odor of alcohol” on June’s breath. June also allegedly “exhibited other clues of impairment.” This is not June’s first brush with the law.

In June 2006 June was arrested in Lebanon, IN (hometown of LWN’s girlfriend) for failing to appear in court on a “driving while suspended” charge. I presume this means driving with a suspended license?

In 2001, while in college June was arrested and charged with disturbing the peace after a fight.

In all honesty I like June. He used to take boxing classes at the meat-head gym near my Indianapolis palace. He once even said “Nice looking dog” to me when I was walking my kick ass dog.

Biggest Thugs in Sports/Arrest(s) of the Week

Happy Monday!

In honor of Chris Henry’s return to the NFL this past Sunday, I wanted to highlight this talented criminal’s career.

Chris Henry, who looks like some odd he-she disco queen has had a number of run-ins with the law and is by far the greatest repeat criminal in today’s NFL. He has a number of different ways to get arrested. Perhaps that’s why the Bengals drafted this “versatile” kid from West Virginia.

1. DUI
2. Supplying under-aged girls with booze. Having sex with one of them.
3. Marijuana possession
4. Arrested for brandishing a pistol in an Orlando hot-spot….WHILE WEARING HIS OWN JERSEY! (See above)