Tick….Tock…..Tick…Tock

The unemployment clock now ticks to three weeks.  Here are my stats:

157 jobs applied for with 82 coverletters……

The result…..2 fucking phone calls and a host of spam in my inbox.

Here’s my retort to all the assholes out there that are filling up my inbox with spamy “jobs” that ask me for an investment.  Go fuck yourselves.  You are the lowest of the low.  You should be forced to die a slow and painful death.  You are as bad or worse than the motherfucking assholes out there that create computer viruses. 

buy into my bullshit

 

I don’t get it, is this fucking funny for you?  Do you enjoy wasting people’s time?  Is it worth it to design shitty, fake websites to entice people to contact you and fill out long winded online applications after you have “found” my resume online?  It must be, but its so stupid.  Go play in traffic. 

Readers, in these troubling times make sure that when an online ad posts something outrageous like “Up to $100,000.00 a year to start with no experience” you must realize you are in for a long, drawn out, shitty group interview where you can either go door to door to sell bullshit…….or if you are truly lucky, you can pitched a product to buy with your own lack of money.

HEY ASSHOLES, if I wanted to flush my money down the toilet on a bullshit scam product, I’d buy up time shares.  You people make me ill.  Here’s my own personal example:  I apply for a job that looks legit online.  It’s a marketing position (read sales).  Fine, no problem I’ll take a sales job listing from a reputable website.  Fast forward……

“Ring, Ring, Ring,” goes my cell phone.  I answer not knowing the number hoping it is someone from a decent company looking to hire someone.  How silly of me.  When I ask the woman on the phone to give me more information on the position she says, “we’ll tell you at the interview.”  Well let’s say my spidey sense is tingly at this point.

I have of course agreed to the interview….because I don’t have shit else to do. 

Now I search for their website.  Nothing…..until I find something that literally looks as if it is save-my-home-bro.  No lie that’s what I THOUGHT it said.  Let’s just say its similiar.  Ok, I like helping people, and keeping them from being foreclosed upon seems like a noble cause.  But remember, it’s a marketing (read sales) position.  How?

Never mind, I found another site by the same company where they have an “insurance school!”  Well hip, hip, hooray!  So it’s actaully a marketing (read sales, get pitched) position.  I’m going to sit there while some asshole wearing shitty, fake gold jewelry tries to tell me how much money I can make once I pass my classes……..WHICH THEY CONVIENIENTLY OFFER!  Well cover me in shit.  Stupid morons would jump at the opportunity not realizing that they orginally CAME IN TO GET PAID MONEY, not piss it away on some scam class.

Look, I’m not an elitest but I’ll put any information I learned in undergrad and grad school up against these “scholarly instructors” who probably can’t instruct their way around a paper bag.

If I walk into this thing and it’s a group interview, I’m going to curse these fuckers out, try to get everyone else to leave, then burn the fucking building to the ground.  But they won’t let you leave until you’ve heard the pitch.  They will tell you how motivated people with no salary can make $50,000 EASY.  Right, and if you beleive that, I slept with Megan Fox last night……you know sexually.

I have been to these interviews before where they advertise “sports marketing firm, entry level positions.”  You know what it actually is?  Business to business soliciting where you try to peddle office products made in some third world country to REAL businesses that actually want to accomplish something and don’t need your bullshit to do so.

Can we get these people killed?  Can monster.com, careerbuilder.com and craigs list stop letting these scumbags continute this charade? 

But my last question is, where do these snake-oil salesmen get their money?  I guess they travel from town to town feasting on the flesh of babies and killing elephants for their tusks to keep their fake businesses going…..because “they have a business model.”

Fuck anyone involved in fake companies.  I hope you get lupis, then gonorrhea, then die….Al Capone style, or quartered by horses.

Oh yeah, the Steelers won the Superbowl.  Did you doubt it?  Fuck it, I’m out.