“Class of 1998 HERE I COME!”
Do you remember the Enterprise commercial circa 2006? With the guy “Moose” who is told he is “looking good” by a couple of two-bit skanks? Well that was nothing like my high school reunion. Yes, I did rent an Enterprise Car at a family discount since I made up that I am someone’s family member, but sadly I didn’t bring the Sentra to pick up ladies. The Man of Cheese (TMOC) had his mom drop us off and pick us up, well because that’s how we roll. I can’t find the damn commercial I am referring to, but here is one from a similar time frame.
Yes, this past weekend I ventured back to former fur trading outpost of the east (Albany, NY of course), to take in some rabble-rousing with some of my old high school mates. I learned a very important lesson. The same people who made fools of themselves ten years ago, made fools of themselves ten years later (me included). Besides that almost everyone was a few pounds heavier (men only), some have kids, and downtown Albany bars seem to think that 10 dollars per shot is a reasonable price for a spirit.
What’s even funnier is that these reunions, are very unnecessary in 2K8. Why you ask? Because I already stalk people on Facebook anyway. Seriously, whether I want to or not I am well versed in what you did this past weekend, or I’ve seen pictures of your kids, I know their names and where you live……Why did you befriend me on the Internet you fool! Just kidding.
In any event, it certainly takes away from the need to actually discuss what people are doing in their lives. Therefore, you have plenty of time to:
1. Get blindingly drunk.
2. Air your grievances to those who have wronged you in the past. I felt like George Costanza’s father in Seinfeld in the Festivus episode, “I’VE GOT A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE THIS YEAR.”
While I am kidding for the most part, some of this is serious. You see if you know me, then you know I like to have fun at the expense of others. Additionally, I think it is funny when people make fun of me. Unfortunately, not everyone is like me…….so it would appear. Finally, I kid around A L-O-T, if that offends you, I send my apologies.
Some highlights of the event:
1. Catching up with people
2. Buying two shots which cost me $19! Yes $19, I left the extra $1 on the table as a tip. I should have taken it back out of spite. As LWN’s friend “Barker” pointed out, “what do they think you were in LA?”
3. Walking up to people to discuss details of an event that happened eons ago, then staring at their puzzled face when they could not remember the event in question.
4. Realizing what an asshole I am compared to most people, maybe not an asshole, just a sense of humor only a select few people get……those people are commonly known as “felons,” or “my friends.” *Note, I already apologized for that.
5. Seeing people from the class of 1997 crash the class of 1998 10 year reunion. If that’s not funny, then I don’t get humor.
6. Watching a girl face plant in the middle of the bar.
The only thing we missed out on was a couple of people desperately making out in the corner somewhere. Oh well, there’s always the 20th!
Let’s Review:
I went 6-1-1 in week 13, but watched a ton of games last weekend.
I fell asleep somehow during the Oklahoma-Oklahoma State game, right before Oklahoma exploded and gave me a sweet, sweet cover.
Notre Dame is so bad that I can’t top what Pat Forde wrote about them in a recent column. But news out of Domer-ville reports that Fat Guy in a Big Coat will return next year.
The Big 10 won’t play again for three to four months it would seem.
Florida is the truth, and if you don’t believe it then you obviously didn’t see the game against The Citadel. But let’s go back two weeks.
The LWN posse traveled to Gainesville for a themed birthday party for some reason, and decided to take in the Florida-Citadel game. Granted The Citadel is not exactly a challenging opponent, but we were able to acquire FIRST row tickets in the student section for $10 bucks a piece. Really UFfans? At least we made it until the second quarter before retreating to the exit so Lab Boy could meet up with a vixen at a bar appropriately named ”Balls”.
In any event, with seats like that on the opposing sideline at a game like that, there was no other option but to mercilessly heckle the over matched opponent. Seeing as the punter was right there, he was the best person to go after…..over and over again (what can I say, I have warned you I am an asshole). Here’s a little taste.
The gentleman in question is Mark Kaspar, the friendly punter. In fact, after the game some good hearted Florida fans created the facebook groups “Kaspar’s Krazies” and “Mark Kaspar for Heisman”. Check it out! You see this gentleman obviously can take a good ribbing.
In other news Boston College and Virginia Tech are playing in the ACC championship game this Saturday in Tampa Bay. Ticket sales are so slow you get one free with the purchase of one! Maybe the championship game madness needs to slow down. Then again, this is probably what the ACC deserves since betting on the ACC was the worst thing you could do this year. Don’t believe me?
Virginia Tech beat North Carolina, who beat Miami, who beat Duke, who beat Virginia, who beat North Carolina, who beat Boston College, who beat Virginia Tech, who beat Florida State, who beat Clemson, who beat Boston College……..and so on and so forth.
Enjoy your trip to Tampa and BRING THE KIDDIES! Who knows, Duke may still be able to win the ACC championship due to some odd tie breaker.
Cincinnatti wins the Big East and I think they played 17 quarterbacks.
Oregon State just had to beat Oregon to go to the Rose Bowl……whoops! At least Penn State fans and USC fans and Rose Bowl organizers can now rejoice. Or Penn State fans can just continue their assault on the color red.
The SEC and apparent BCS National Championship representative is still yet to be determined, but I have a sneaking suspicion that Florida will sneak in past Alabama.
The Big XII was the best conference of the year top to bottom taking over from the aforementioned SEC. Oklahoma, Texas, Texas Tech, Oklahoma State and “disappointing” Missouri (9-3).
Buffalo won the MAC East, then lost to a horrible, horrible Kent State team. Ball State is, wel…in a word……excellent.
NEWS:
1. Lane Kiffin goes to Rocky Top.
I thought this could happen, and you didn’t even need to pay me the standard fee of a search firm (around $100,000). Kiffin immediately acted like me at his press conference by taking shots at people. He had plenty to say about the Raiders. I mean it was somewhat funny when he made the first crack, but then he made 4 or 5 more. That may have been a bit too many for your introductory press conference with a new team AFTER you thanked your old boss for hiring you.
Then Steve Spurrier took a jab at Kiffin saying he was part of a recruiting violation prior to becoming head coach. SEC coaches are worse than grandmothers saying they are disappointed in you. Welcome to the SEC Lane.
2. Florida is favored over the “favorite” team in the country.
Everyone has already written off Alabama and Nick Saban. That’s dangerous. Not to mention that the line that came out on the game was set at 9 or 9.5 with FLORIDA giving the points. I guess Vegas is banking on the fact that Florida has won every game since the Ole Miss loss by 28 points or more, but isn’t that a bit distressing? I like Florida to win this game, but I was hoping the line would be 4, maybe 5. I think before kickoff the line will slide to something like 6.5 to entice more money on the game.
3. Kelly tabbed as successor.
What’s with the rash of teams who feel the need to find a coach in waiting? I get it, you don’t want to lose coordinators but Oregon recently told Chip Kelly he would be the head coach of the Ducks when Mike Bellotti steps down. It works in places like Texas, Kentucky and Purdue where the coaches are a bit older, but Bellotti is only 56, additionally, the plan states Bellottiwill become the AD after stepping down as Head Coach. How does the AD feel about this plan? I guess he’s okay with it since he must have signed off on this deal right?
4. Leach interviews at Washington?
Why in the hell would you want this job? All the allure of going to the worst team in the PAC-10? You were the man this season in Lubbock, you beat two of the best teams in the country and proved YOU could win there. The timing just seems really odd. Don’t get me wrong, Seattle is a much cooler place than Lubbock but geez.
PICKS:
1. Boston College v. Virginia Tech pick ‘em
I can’t get behind Boston College, even though they have had a successful season. Something tells me the game will be won because of field position or on special teams. I rate BC’s offense a little better than Virginia Tech’s, I think both defenses are about even, and I think Tech’s special teams are much better, except for that blocked punt against ECU this season. Also, Tech needs to win to erase the memory of the loss earlier this season.
Va Tech 21- BC 20
2. Alabama v. Florida -10
Florida wins, but are they going to win by 10? Without a 100% Harvin? Not so sure about that. Alabama obviously wants to control the game, but the attention to detail that Urban Meyer takes is so meticulous I can’t see them losing this one. Don’t play this one until it gets below 10, which it will for certain. I’m taking Florida and 8 points. If not then 10 is fine I guess.
*Side note- Thrillhoand wife nearly had to move out of Gator-ville recently because he tried to run over Urban Meyer withhis work van while Meyer was out for a jog. No word yet on which Alabama booster lined his pockets with money for the caper.
Florida 30-Alabama 21
3. AND NOW FOR MY
Pittsburgh +3 @ UConn
All you need to know is Derek Kinder and L-E-S-E-A-N-M-C-C-O-Y.
Pitt 28- UConn 21
4. Missouri v Oklahoma over 79
I don’t like the 17.5 line, which means it is a fantastic line from Vegas. I do like the over because Oklahoma might score 50 and Missouri might score 40.
5. ECU +13.5 v. Tulsa
ECU is 1-4 in their last five games against the spread, but they were favored in all of those games. At the same time Tulsa is 2-3 against the spread in their last 5, which they were also favored. ECU has 11 players that either won’t play or a questionable for the game. Tulsa has 0 injuries. Tulsa seems to play down to their opponents though. So I’m going with Petey Pirate and two TDs.
Tulsa 48 – ECU 35
5. University at Buffalo +15 v Ball State
Sadly I think this game might get ugly early, but then again, UBusually plays with the lead. My concern here is that the UB defense is fucking terrible outside of their secondary. As they have shown, any QB can squirt up the middle whenever they want to for yards.
UB’s offense might be in trouble since WR Ernest Jackson is questionable as is FB Chris Scharon who really grades the road for James Starks.
UB keeps it closer than the pundits say, but can’t take home the championship. I’d love to see it thought
UB 30-BSU42 Also, take the over whatever it is because bothteams can score and both teams will be playing in a dome!
So my prediction is UBis going to the International Bowl. Who’s coming with me?
WAGERS:
100 on Pitt
20 on Tech
100 on Florida, or tease them down with Tech
50 on the Mizz-OU over
20 on ECU and UB
HOLD ME THRILL ME TEASE ME:
UL +17
UB +22
Navy -4
Pitt +10
ECU +20.5
VA Tech +7
WVU -.5
Mizzou +24.5
Hawaii +14.5
1 pays 12
RESULTS:
Last Week 6-1-1
Overall 27-25-1 a positive record
W/L imaginary $: +250
Overall W/L imaginary $ 1035
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