NFL Week 10

“I’ve Been Gone For Too Long”

The last few weeks have made it a bit too difficult to write both fucking columns people so get off my damn back.  But I guess Tom Arnold reads my blog, so I am better than everyone else. 

Since I have that out of my system, we can begin now.  So I went to a Miami Dolphins game against the Bills.  I found out a couple of things: 

1.  In Miami Crackwhores act like the work for the United Way begging for tickets “for the kids,” or in actuality they mean “to scalp.”

2.  In Miami, the fans coordially boo you and your friends in the parking lot for wearing the visitor’s jersey but you are never in any actual harm.

3.  It’s in the 80s in Miami in late October, which is different.

4.  In Miami the fans all gather around and dance to cheesy wedding favorites in the parking lot.  When I tailgate, the only thing that goes through my mind is finding the next spot for me to piss on.

5.  Girls in Miami garb are pretty hot in general.

6.  No one will pay even $70 for two lower bowl tickets in Miami, not even crackwhores.

News:

1.  The quarterback needs to wear a skirt. 

Sorry ladies, but this is getting fucking out of hand.  The latest and most irresponsible transgression took place against the Giants this past weekend and its had me hot all week.  Tell me how this is a fucking penalty and listen to the reasoning.  That’s right, “tackling the quarterback with full body weight.”  Jesus, someone tell the officiating crew that it’s Brooks Bollinger out there, not Tony Romo.  Bollinger is disposable and stinks like a diaper.  Romo of course is the over rated budding star who can’t win a playoff game.

Was this a penalty too?

This week the NFL overturned the fine after the Giants and the liberal media went ape shit over the $7,500 fine levied against Tuck.  While that’s fine and well, the Cowboys scored a touchdown on that drive, and that play was a reason for that.  You see Tuck hit Bollinger too hard on a third down play where the pass was incomplete.  Luckily it didn’t affect the outcome of the game, but it has and will again, hopefully not when it matters.  THIS IS GETTING OUT OF CONTROL.  Even TROY FUCKING AIKMAN didn’t like the call……Even Boomer know’s Troy is a homer. 

2.  Happy Trails DeAngelo Hall

Hall, cut this week by Al “Slipping Into Senility” Davis, probably deserves this outcome, but how do you cut the dude after 9 games after you offered him a 7 year $70 million dollar deal knowing full well your scheme was not something he has played in his past.

On the flip side, to defend the Raiders is difficult, but I think Hall must have hired the Sterling Cooper Advertising Agency.  What do I mean by this, Hall has been amazing at pumping himself up to the media, fans, and coaches, yet no one has taken the time to notice that he is not Champ Bailey, he commits too many coverage and personal fouls, and is not a team player.  Too bad I am the only one who saw this ahead of time.

So where does a disenfranchised big contract player go in the NFL? Why the Redskins of course!

*Watch MadMen by the way, it’s on AMC, and yes you have AMC.

3.    Culpepper to Start, Lions to Win, Media to Talk About It For a Week.

I bet Lion nation is up in arms, still thinking Drew Stanton is the answer.

4.  ARREST OF THE WEEK

Larry Johnson, member of my fantasy football team, the Kansas City Chiefs, and habitual woman abuser found himself in hot water recently after he decided to spit his drink in a woman’s face for some reason.  This is the fourth time in the last 5 years Johnson has been in trouble for “chick issues.”  Maybe he should chill the fuck out, no means no after all……usually.

Let’s Review:

In the week my dog picked games against me, I beat him by one game but he beat Bill Simmons by three games.  Maybe it was four games?

Picks:

1.  Buffalo @ New England -4

I’ll take New England because I think they will bounce back from from the loss against the Colts, and the Bills will be without Schobel again.  Matt Cassel is a serviceable QB and the New England game plan should be too good.

New England 23- Buffalo 17

2.  St. Louis +9 @ NYJ

It’s the NFL and the Jets aren’t that good.

St. Louis 30-NYJ 24

3.  AND NOW FOR MY

New Orleans @ Atlanta-1

No Reggie Bush, played in Europe recently, problems with players using diuretics.  The Falcons are hot right now, Lil Wayne hot.

 

Atlanta 24- NO 20

4.  Kansas City +15 @ San Diego

A terrible team gets 15 on the road, I can’t turn this down.

San Diego 30-San Diego 24

Results:

Overall 11-9

Last time 8-2

W/L imaginary $:  +120

Overall imaginary $:  1000