College Football: Week 6

Something is fishy.

How does one team (USC) lose to an inferior one, which sets off a madcap weekend.  How about Florida?  How about Georgia?  How about Wisconsin?  The powers that be seem to have a sense of humor.  Is this a commentary on game preparation, or parity, or even that every game ACTUALLY matters.  In any event, the first major weekend of in-conference play was a disaster for the national title contenders.

I can’t explain it but I am pretty sure somehow Pete Carrol called the NCAA and the two of them are behind these shenanigans.

Since upset Saturday seemed to occur last week, one would assume it won’t happen again, yet dear readers anarchy is probably going to take place so that USC will still be in the hunt at season’s end.  My point is that there are still too many teams with unblemished records out there!

Let’s Review:

What a shame it was that I mentioned Hunter Cantwell last week in a positive note since he “never saw [Lawrence Wilson] until the Connecticut linebacker had the ball in his hands.”  Louisville decided that after a decent outing against Kansas State where they looked like an actual football team, they would falter giving up a 9 point lead to UConn, who I am convinced is the most difficult team in the nation to handicap.

I even had the odds in my favor since Huskies QB Tyler Lorenzen broke his foot before the game was in question.  Louisville has been THE most disappointing team in the country over the last two years.  And that might be an understatement.

Louisville by the numbers:

Records:

2005:  9-3

2006: 12-1

2007:  6-6

2008:  2-2

Yards:

2005:  3523 passing, 2265 rushing

2006:  3770 passing, 2409 rushing

2007:  4103 passing, 1753 rushing

2008:  890 passing, 851 rushing

Scoring:

2005:  43.41 ppg

2006:  37.7 ppg

2007:  32.91

2008:  28 ppg

Points Allowed:

2005:  23.75 ppg

2006:  16.3 ppg

2007:  31.4 ppg

2008:  23 ppg

As you can see from the stats above, the Louisville offense has been potent to say the least and you can try to debunk my argument by pointing out the gaudy stats the Brian Brohm put up last season passing.  Unfortunately, to me it shows that the ‘Ville was losing so many games that they needed to throw to be competitive.  Also, you will notice that the rushing yards were down by several hundred.  An indication that either Louisville couldn’t run the ball, or felt they had to pass.  Granted, Louisville had some offensive weapons-  Brohm, Harry Douglas, Gary Barnidge, Mario Urrita, which led to the inflated numbers, but they couldn’t punch the ball in/and play defense to save their lives.

Steve Kragthorpe wasn’t even inserted in a terrible position.  He had the offensive players listed above.  It’s not like the cupboard was exactly barren.  Sure defense is another question, but shouldn’t it now be improved with the addition of Ron English?  After four games, it is obvious both sides of the ball need some tweaking.

Auburn has not seen a spread they have liked this season (this includes their offense).  While they are regarded as a far better team than Tennessee, they can’t beat them by a measly fucking touchdown?  You play in the SEC, if you don’t score, you will lose.  Nice work putting up 34 on Louisiana-Monroe, that’s truly some good work.  Even better than that is the 14 against UT and 3, THREE against Mississippi State.

“Offensive” Coordinator Tony Franklin better find a way to make his “explosive” scheme work, otherwise the Auburn area rednecks might have their way with him.  Seriously, the fucking Toronto Blue Jays outscored the Tigers are their first 5 games I think.  If Auburn can’t find a way to post some offense, Franklin might want to consider asking for his job back with the Lexington Horsemen of the…………..wait for it……………………….NIFL whatever the hell that is.  I can only assume it is the National Institute For Literacy.

I cannot recall a better drubbing of an overhyped team in recent years.  The worst part is I knew it would happen to Georgia this season, but I must have been sipping the liberal media’s kool-aid.

The Buffalo Bulls are doing a great job of becoming the Buffalo Bills right before our very eyes.  You remember the Bills of the early 1990’s, the playoff Bills.  The Bulls played it right down to the wire with one of the best teams in the MAC, and only lost because a 46 yard field goal clanked off the upright at the gun.

I won my teaser because I am awesome.

NEWS:

1.  UVA reverses the reversal on allowing signs into games.

Look, we all know that college kids are going to put inappropriate stuff on signs at games, and especially when Gameday comes to town.  But the University of Virginia banned ALL SIGNS AND BANNERS earlier this season because, they wanted fans to have a “positive game day environment.”  Well, the student body at Thomas Jefferson’s Alma mater threatened to stop wearing UVA colors in protest…..That straightened out the administration!  Since they are one of the worst teams in college football, the admin just wants to put butts in the seats.  And Al Groh just wants to find a cave to go die in.  This guy was an NFL coach, does anyone remember?  WWTJD-  What Would Thomas Jefferson Do?

2.  Tebow begs fans/media (and possibly his lord) for forgiveness:

“I’m sorry. I’m extremely sorry,” he said. “We were hoping for an undefeated season. That was my goal, something Florida’s never done here. But I promise you one thing: a lot of good will come out of this.

“You have never seen any player in the entire country play as hard as I will play the rest of this season and you’ll never see someone push the rest of the team as hard as I will push everybody the rest of this season, and you’ll never see a team play harder than we will the rest of this season.”

While I cannot deny Tebow is one of the most interesting players in all of college football, sometimes he is just insane, or was it Florida fans who were insane for hating Chris Leak so much?

He was out-dueled by former Florida commit and Texas transfer Jevan Snead, who might be a better pro prospect than Tebow when all is said and done.  In any event my readers have clamored for Tebow news, so here’s a statistical breakdown from this season and last season.

2007

234

350

3286

66.9

9.39

66

32

6

13

172.47

Projected

186

306

2424

60.8

7.92

48

18

0

18

146.74

Granted, these are projected 2008 stats based off of current 2008 stats keeping the QB rating the same as it is now.  My assumption is that Archie Griffin and his two Heisman’s are safe from having company.  In any event, I think the picture below sums up his chances this season at John Heisman’s trophy.

3.  Tennessee blows:

Ask anyone in Knoxville if they thought Crompton would be a step down from Ainge and wait for the comedic result.  The Vols are terrible, yet Phil Fulmer has obviously signed Matt Millen on as his adviser to “fool bosses.”  Bruce Pearl might be insane, but he gets the job done. 

4.  Penn State is good:

Let’s stop focusing on the 9,000 arrests in the past two years, because no one outside of Bristol, CT cares anymore at all.  So what if the players smoke pot, beat up and sexually assault the student body, the Lions are currently undefeated.  At least we get to hear how JoePa is out of touch with players….or is he in touch with them this year…..no out of touch…….no, wait I think he is in touch this year.  Penn State is in the driver’s seat in the Big Ten this year, along with Northwestern of course.

Picks:

This week will have a decidedly Big Ten feel to it since I can win a game outside of the conference for whatever reason.  With that in mind, the spreads seem more manageable for my fractured psyche.

1.  Penn State- 14 @ Purdue:

What’s that?  Haven’t I learned my lesson taking two touchdown road favorites in in-conference battles?  No, I am a stupid, stupid asshole.  In fact, I am going to parlay this bet too so I can lose more ”fake” money.  Look, Purdue barely beat Central Michigan at home, what do you logically think Penn State is going to do to them?

PSU 35- Purdue 14

2.  Illinois +3 @ Michigan

I’m not buying the hype just yet that Michigan is back.  Beating Wisconsin (who I think highly of) was a good win, but not really the USC-Oregon St. type of win.  When crunching the numbers, it seems that these two teams are almost even on paper.  Michigan is giving the three point line not because of any player, but the Big House itself.  Michigan’s defense has been susceptible to the pass this season, and I expect Juice Williams and Arrelious Benn to have large games against Michigan.  Look for a high scoring game, which is odd since it is the Big Ten.

My faith is in Ron Zook, who is so cool he water skis on bye weeks!  *Side note-  I have seen some of The Journey on the Big Ten Network, and it’s not that bad.  It’s leaps and bounds better than the production value of the games they broadcast, at least.

Illinois 125-  Michigan 120

AND NOW FOR MY

3.  Ohio State -2 @ Wisconsin

How can I NOT fall into this trap which is laid out so beautifully.  I feel like Yogi Bear going after pic-a-nic baskets.  Unfortunately, I assume Boo Boo has set me up mob style and Ranger Smith will catch my stupid ass and force me to drink rubbing alcohol until my insides cease operations because I won’t give up the vittles I found in the basket.  Can you tell I am perplexed and upset how the season has gone for me thus far?

As pedestrian as Ohio State looked against USC, can you really see them losing to a team that couldn’t handle a Michigan team that lost to Notre Dame AND Utah this season?  I think Beanie Wells is healthy, and Darth Sweater Vest is playing his ace in the hole (Tyrelle Pryor), so Ohio State will creep back into the picture by season’s end.

Ohio State 31- Wisconsin 21

4.  Florida State @ Miami -2

Someone told me that this game used to matter.  That’s fucking news to me.  On the relevance poll this game is as cool as Lindsey Lohan’s lesbian girlfriend right now.  Can anyone name her……come on, anyone?

Speaking of naming people, give me three players on Florida State AND Miami!  Stumped you again, right.

Betting on a team that has not turned the corner (MIami) or a team that is about at rock bottom and has nothing left to lose against an in-state rival (FSU)……..and I wonder why I lose.

Miami 20 – FSU 10

Love me, thrill me, tease me:

This one pays 5 bucks for each dollar wagered

Penn State -7

Florida -19

Notre Dame- pick em

Illinois +10

Auburn +2.5

Missouri -4

Fake Wagers:

50 across

10 on the teaser

LAST WEEK:

0-4

Overall:  8-12-1

W/L Imaginary $$:  -160

Overall imaginary $$:  585