After successfully surviving a late night incident involving a Chrysler 300 and some bats with THRILLHO and LWN, I (LAB BOY) have been given the go ahead to begin contributing. While there are so many things happening in the world that need to be discussed there is not the space, time, nor interest to discuss them all. However, there are some people out there who go above and beyond the call of duty, and I have decided to applauded them in what I have coined “Props from Lab Boy”. So here we go…
This Weeks ‘Props from Lab Boy’
1. Props to you Chinese race walker Song Hongjuan! While most of the world does not know (or care) that race walking is a sport, you are pushing the limits of how fast the human body can walk. To most people race walking is to the olympics what Colt Brennan is to the NFL…worthless and boring. But not to Song! And I know what all you readers are thinking, “LAB BOY, didn’t Song fail a drug test for the endurance enhancing EPO?” But who are we to judge? We aren’t the one’s that have go out and walk everyday. Honestly, I don’t know if it is even physically possible to do training walks everyday without the assistance of endurance boosting drugs.
2. Props to Usain Bolt, for slowing down at the end of olympic 100m! Finally an athlete is smart enough to realize that if you shatter a world record at the olympics you are going to get drug tested like crazy for as long as you have that record. Is Bolt on drugs? I can only make an educated guess. Sprinters using drugs is like regular people breaking the speed limit; it’s illegal and you might get caught, but you and everyone you know continue to do it. Bolt knows he could have shattered the world record, and run substantially faster than any man in history (including those who took drugs). If Bolt doesn’t play his cards right he could end up in the ever growing elite group of pharmaceutical assisted athletes. Lets look at brief list of some of the greatest sprinters who have have recieved bans for performance enhancing drug issues.
Name…Time…Interesting Note
Marion Jones…10.65…Hired Johnny Cochrane in high school (for her performance enhancing drug scandal)
Tim Montgomery…9.78…Marion Jones’ Baby Daddy
Ben Johnson…9.79…Once raced a race horse and a stock car
Justin Gatlin…9.77…Former leading spokesperson against drug use in sports
Carl Lewis…9.86…One of 100+ Americans involved in (supposed) US drug “cover-up”
3. Props to Russian high jumper Ivan Ukhov for combining my two favorite things, world class sports and drinking. Like a rockstar Ukhov was seen drinking Redbull and Vodka during a European grand prix track meet last week. The video of his incredible performance can be seen here. Aparrently one of the other high jumpers snitched on Ukhov to the officials. I assume the only reason this backstabbing snitch reported Ukhov is because he lost to him. Hey snitch, if your losing to a drunk Russian maybe your not cut out for the high jump!!!
4. Props to you (former) Iowa City Community College President Robert Paxton for showing students what college is really about…partying. Not only did you get caught literally pouring beer from a coors light mini-keg into a bikini clad coed’s mouth, but you got a $400,000 resignation package. Well played sir. While I consider Paxton one of my hero’s we was semi-defensive after the ‘incident’ stating, ”The beer keg was broken and wasn’t dispensing beer into the young woman’s mouth”. Additionally, just to set the record straight about his 19 year-old son who was arrested for second-offense drunken driving early the next morning Paxton stated, “He was in the boat but was not drinking.” Again, well played.
5. And finally, props to you University of Miami football coach Randy Shannon for refusing to shake University of Florida coach Urban Meyer’s hand after Meyer decided to kick a field in the closing minutes of the Gators 26-3 victory over the Canes. As Shannon said, “Sometimes when you do things and people see what kind of person you really are, you turn a lot of people off.” So what if you (Shannon) were a member of the UM team that ran up the score and beat Notre Dame 58-7 in 1985…that is not relevant here. The point is that for many years the University of Miami football program has been know for their class and sportsmanship both on and off the field. I defy you readers to find 1 time the Canes ever acted classless! Lucky for Canes Tebow wasn’t on the field for this final score…I assume becuase he had to get up early the next morning for church service/ending world hunger/curing cancer. Shame on you Urban Meyer for not giving pity to that poor ACC team! Urban, the University of Florida didn’t hire you to dominate football games, they hired you to be a nice friendly guy on the field!
So, am I REALLY supposed to feel bad for Tom Brady and the Patriots? The poor guy tore his ACL and MCL in Sunday’s opener. Its a damn shame! I hope Matt Cassel has been keeping up with the opposing team’s sideline films. All that time spent cheating, and this is what the Patriots get? It just doesn’t seem fair! Hey Belichick, please keep us in suspense with your injury report this week.
Posted by THRILLHO 
Posted by LAB BOY 
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