2008 Playoff Analysis by everyones favorite dictator!

Priceless Pep Talks and Marketing Genius.

Hello readers. Grlfrnd has been away for awhile because she isn’t working full time. She made a decision back in early December to make herself happy and get out of her job. What does not make Grlfrnd happy is the fact that football season will be over in two weeks. At least there is one of my teams in the SuperBowl. GO GIANTS!!! Boo Tom Brady and the evil Patriots. Admittedly they have had a great season.

Grlfrnd has throughly enjoyed the Priceless Pep Talk commercials with Peyton Manning. Why? They are funny. Sunday’s debut of the end of football season struck a cord with Grlfrnd. After football there isn’t much for me in terms of sports. Grlfrnd has limited sports to choose from:

• Indy Racing League
• Conclusion of College Basketball….MARCH MADNESS (Is there a better reason to spend four straight days in a bar watching multiple games at once?)
• 2008 Summer Olympics

A real favorite of the peptalks is “Rock Hard Abs.” Peyton does a great job of being real and his advice could not be any better. “If you’re over the age of 21 or not a professional athlete, buy some bigger shirts.” Grlfrnd once wrote about how much she despises skinny jeans on men. Not only the skinny jeans, but the tight shirts that usually go along with the skinny jeans. Finally add the gut or muffin top and you have completed the look. This advice applies to both men and women. Women are the biggest offenders usually without the skinny jeans. BUY A BIGGER SHIRT or something that fits better. Thank you Peyton for saying the things that many of us would like to say to people. Too bad more of us don’t get paid the money you do for this advice.

There are currently ten of these commercials to entertain you. MasterCard® has created a variety of priceless moments over the last couple of years. The marketing department must be full of creative geniuses. Unlike the current Southwest commercials that annoy the crap out of Grlfrnd, these are well developed and thought out. Southwest increases productivity, ha! Maybe once you fight off other flyers for a decent seat after standing in your correct corral.

Peyton you should make a pep talk for your little brother Eli over the next two weeks. Grlfrnd looks forward to seeing these commercials on Sunday. Will they continue after the season? If not Grlfrnd will be even more bummed, beatings of LWN may occur.

What is left? Baseball? NBA? Grlfrnd can’t really knock the NHL, but it’s a really long season. Peyton you were right again, after football there is nothing.

LWN Picks Conference Championship Games

“I Have A Secret”

No, this is not some sort of fetish issue I have. This is the downward dog yoga position that I found myself in on Tuesday night. You see LWN is not the most flexible man on the planet. He cannot touch his toes when stretching. This coupled with the muscle/fat bulk he has put on in the past few months makes stretching extra annoying.

West Virginia Hires Former Outlaw

 

West Virginia announced on Saturday that they had hired formed dentist turned outlaw Doc Holliday to coach the tight ends and full backs.  He will also serve as the recruiting coordinator.  New West Virginia head coach Bill Stewart had this to say about Holliday, “He’ll be a tremendous asset to the West Virginia football program.”  

LWN agrees that Holliday will be an asset to recruiting and will bring some notoriety to the program.  Holliday is famous for his gambling proficiency, icy cold “killer instinct,” and his proclivity for the drink.

Dallas Fallout

And you thought your boy LWN wouldn’t write about the Cowboys-Giants tilt this past weekend.  It is available here on Epic Carnival. 

The Song About Me

Mr. McTrees has posted his lyrical offering to yours truly on his site.

5th song down

LWN Digs Into Archives To Highlight Fan Appreciation

 

Here are some comments from LWN and Hebrew Hammer’s piece called “TONY ROMO IS A FRAUD.”  Reminder, the Romo piece was posted mid-season (November).  I wanted to give these readers remarks a chance to shine!  Poor grammar not omitted.  Mad props to “You’re Gonna Eat Some Crow.” 

LWN picks Divisional Weekend

“A Story About Single Serving Friends”

We’ve all seen Fight Club. A single serving friend is someone you meet once during travel and never see again. My most recent trip to Iowa had a number of noteworthy single serving pals.

But let me back up. I would like to make it clear that I do not enjoy Iowa. I even sent a text message to my boss at one point saying, “Is this heaven (Field of Dreams reference)? No, its a vast wasteland of fertile ground.” There is not all that much to Iowa, its not the worst place I have ever seen but it still sucks. Here is why. You know sometimes I reference the University of Tennessee to say that the problem with UT- Knoxville is that two of the dumbest people I have ever met went to that school. Well, one of the dumbest, most unintentionally annoying, arrogant people I have ever met is from the great state of Iowa. We will call him “E.”

June Jones/Colt Brennan Leave Hawaii For Greener Pastures, Readers Still Hate Kaplan572

Well Warrior fans, your two most notable residents will be leaving you soon.  Your boy Colt Brennan left his heart, and many brain cells on the field in Louisiana after getting throttled by Georgia.  Now your undisputed leader is leaving to go coach a dead program in Dallas.  By the way, SMU plays in Conference USA a mid level conference with no major bowl tie-ins.  Jones left the WAC, a better conference which has made a name for itself the past two years.

Even though I assume your administrative officials performed a “haka” in front of Jones to keep him from leaving, it was not enough.  You see Hawaii fans, you had a magical season now it is over.  Your temperate climate was not enough to keep your coach.  Perhaps the combination of your expensive goods, crappy pay and aging facilities forced your leader out.  If you want to play with the big boys, you need to “pony” up the dough…exactly what SMU did. 

American Gladiators, then and now

This youtube clip alone shows how great of a show American Gladiators was. I’m happy to say that its return does not disappoint. Gone are the days of the mullet, Larry Czonka, and Joe Theisman… Now its time for Hulk Hogan, Ali’’s daughter, and HELLga (pictured right)!!! Seriously, these Gladiator chicks are hot ()! Perhaps this is why Hulk Hogan left his wife…. The ex-Mrs. Hogan is probably what the 1980’s Gladiator chicks look like nowadays. I wouldn’t mind getting taken down by any of these gladiatorettes, granted their clits probably look like, and are the size of catcher’s mitts.

As for the events, they are pretty much the same. Little tweaks here and there as well as a couple new events.