“Roy Williams is the Cheapest Man in the NFL”
Last week while I was stuck in the black hole of entertainment that is Ames, Iowa I cam across a ‘Rome is Burning’ show on the deuce that had Lions WR Roy Williams as a guest. The segment was not about Williams 524 yards receiving. It was not about the Lions somewhat surprising record. It was about Williams stingy spending habits and to make up for his tipping transgretions he spent a day as a Pizza Hut delivery guy.
Williams was interviewed about his spending habits by the Detroit Free Press earlier this year and he said the following.
“I am cheap, I’m a cheap date. Get you some McDonalds, with some cheese on it and I’m just really cheap, man. I’m very low key, I like to stay home. I like to go bowling on Monday nights and I go to the casino every once and awhile. Other than that, you won’t see Mr. Williams out at all.
There’s no such thing as a tip. But I am really polite and I say ‘Thank you sir.’ … The pizza man knows, when he comes to my address, he’s coming for free. I might just take [a date] to the casino and get her a free buffet. If I did take a date out to a nice place, I’d take her to a nice place, like a Red Lobster or something. It wouldn’t be Morton’s or nothing like that.”
Dear readers, these are the words of a man making over 1.5 million a year. To get some good pub, Pizza Hut President Scott Bergren issued Williams a challenge.
“Dear Roy,
We heard that you haven’t been tipping pizza delivery drivers, but recently chatted with one of our drivers and decided you need to start tipping. When a Pizza Hut pizza arrives hot and fresh, it’s easy to be distracted by all the deliciousness you’re about to enjoy, and our drivers certainly appreciate you taking the time to tip.
But what about all the drivers who missed being tipped in the past?
We’d like to issue you a challenge. Agree to work as a delivery driver for Pizza Hut for just one day in Detroit, and we’ll forgive all your previous tipping transgressions.
Furthermore, we’ll collect all the tips you receive and donate them to the World Food Programme as part of our World Hunger Relief Week, which is kicking-off October 14.
So, Roy, what do you say? There are a lot of hungry fans out there waiting.
Sincerely,
Scott Bergren
President, Pizza Hut“
After a day of pizza delivery and getting stiffed on some tips, Williams now knows to tip the pizza man. A couple final notes.
- All Pizza Hut donated to the World Hunger Relief Program was Williams’s tips?
- Williams said, “I tip the U.S. Government $55,000 each time I get paid.
- Williams likes taking dates to buffets. High comedy.
- As a former pizza delivery guy, no tipping infuriates me.
HEADLINES
1. Something about a game in Indianapolis this weekend.
2. Jon Kitna kicks ass!
For Halloween this year Kitna dressed as a nude patron and his wife as a Wendy’s employee to a Halloween party. For whatever reason he apologized. EVERYONE CALM DOWN.
3. San Fran kicker Joe Nedney fined!
Kicker Joe Nedney was fined $7,500 for giving a fan the finger after kicking the ball out of bounds after making a field goal. He rubbed the back of his head and slyly gave a guy the finger after the fan made an obscene comment.
4. Will Brady Quinn play this year?
Derek Anderson is playing exceptionally well while basically being a dead man walking this season in Cleveland. He has 1744 yards passing, 17 TDs and only 8 INTs. Keep holding that clipboard Brady. The problem is Anderson will probably be gone next year regardless of what he does this season. Cleveland spent boku bucks on hometown bi-curious boy Brady Quinn and will play him to sell tickets. The good news for Anderson is that someone will come calling.
5. ARREST OF THE WEEK
Welcome to the club Brandon Marshall!
“Marshall, a second-year player from Central Florida, was cited for allegedly driving drunk, Denver police said. Police pulled Marshall over at 14th and Blake streets. Details about the traffic stop were not available, police spokesman Sonny Jackson said. Marshall, 23, was booked into a detoxification facility for suspicion of DUI and cited, Jackson said.
‘The average DUI can cost you $10,000 when you get one – and that’s basically when you factor in your insurance going up, the fines and court costs and the classes that can be required,’ Jackson said.”
Also, Marshall was arrested in March for domestic violence charges which were dropped.
*Side note- Almost all NFL teams provide players free transportation when they have been out boozing, use it. Oh yeah, also you all make almost $200,000 a year more than the average U.S. family, think.
*Side note 2- Marshall was at the night club Darrent Williams was at when he was murdered and at the home of Bronco Damien Nash when he died in March. This has not been a good 2007 for him.
NON FOOTBALL RELATED TIP OF THE WEEK
Buy Kanye West’s Graduation album. I am a huge fan.
LET’S REVIEW
1. New England covered by themselves. They seem to be able to cover anything.
2. Detroit -Chicago – I have been on the ball picking for and against Chicago this year. I don’t know what else I can say.
3. Tamps spoils my perfect week. I stand behind that pick as Quinn Gray started for the Jags. The Jags are a solid team.
4. Colts win going away from Carolina. Was there ever a doubt? Someone get Chris Weinke ready.
PICKS
1. Seattle +1.5 @ Cleveland
I can’t take Cleveland even though their improvement this year is quite remarkable. I think Sean Alexander will play well and Hasselbeck will do his thing. Seattle is coming off a bye. Do it!
Seattle 27 – Cleveland 20
2. San Diego -7 @ Minnesota
Why not? These are two teams going in different directions. Will Tavaris Jackson continue to play, will Kelly Holcomb get the nod, will Brooks Bollinger show us what’s up? The Vikings passed on drafted a QB because they felt Jackson was the guy. Note to Vikings management- Money ball theory does not work in the NFL.
SD 42- Minnesota 14
3. AND NOW FOR MY
New England -6.5 @ Indianapolis
When in the world is an undefeated team a 7 point dog when playing at home? The Pats have the headlines, the Colts has a surprisingly good defense. Dungy is a defensive guy, Peyton Manning is 2-0 the last two times against the Pats. This is a close game, Pats prevail but don’t cover.
Pats 35 – Colts 31
4. Baltimore +9.5 @ Pittsburgh
Why not, the Ravens play big on the big stage. 9.5 is a lot in a rivalry game.
Ravens cover but lose
Pitt- 24 Ravens 17
IMAGINARY WAGERS
50 on Seattle and San Diego
100 on the Colts
25 on Baltimore
RESULTS
Last Week 3-1
Overall 16-16
W/L $$$$ + 150
Overall W/L $$$$ +215
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