College Football Week 1

Welcome back dear readers.

I just returned from Edmonton, Alberta where I attended my first Indian-Canadian wedding. By Indian, I am referring to Dell Customer Service Representatives, not drunken casino owners.

I was enthralled by the culture, the good times, the massive, massive quantities of colon cleansing Indian food, but above all the crisp weather of the great north. It made me think of one thing. Football! When the air turns slightly colder, there is something about it that turns me into a degenerate gambler.

For those of you only familiar with Edmonton due to their hockey squadron, let your boy drop some knowledge.

Edmonton At A Glance-

Note the glass alien pyramids in the foreground.

Capital of Alberta
730,372 population as of 2006
The metro population is just over 1 million making it the northern most North American city over 1 million.
Very fertile farmland
One of the lowest population densities in NA.
The main economic industry is oil and gas
The West Edmonton Mall serves as the feature attraction.

LWN’s COLLEGE FOOTBALL PREVIEW

Welcome back sports fans. This Year LWN is back with another mythical thousand dollars of Mr. McTrees, to provide you with some insight on your favorite and least favorite college football teams.

Least year I finished with a 23-25 record. Not quite sterling, but serviceable. While I was just under the Mendoza line, I was able to lose a boatload of fake money.

OFF SEASON RECAP

New Hire, New Life?

As much as I hate Miami, I have to give them some credit. Randy Shannon, while not the number one choice of the Miami brass is a respected coach who will not tolerate the bullshit that the Hurricanes are used to getting away with. So far Shannon has banned any non touchdown post play celebrations, will not tolerate skipped classes by players, and had to make a rule that no team members can have guns. He seriously had to make that rule!

No gats bitches!

Does this mean I have to finally stop ragging on Miami? Negative Ghost Rider. I am sure that even with these rules, plenty of Hurricanes players will still end up in the sports pages for negative publicity. Much like Roger Goodell’s move to improve NFL player off field conduct, Shannon’s policies will be a moot point come mid season. MARK MY WORDS! LWN will make it a point to chronicle every Miami mishap this season.

LWN’s NFL PREVIEW 2007

LWN is back! I know it’s been too long. I was struck with enlightenment after reading I Hate Hippy’s dreadfully boring sad sap poker column. Seriously Ron, you sound like every other home game hero out there with your whiny “he sucked a two outer on me” bullshit. It then hit me; give the people what they want.

So much has happened in the off season, let’s get moving.

1. Headline- Commissioner Goodell’s new conduct policy threatens to kill LWN’s arrest of the week feature (March 2007).

Let’s see who has been arrested since March.
-Joey Porter, who attacked a Bengal’s O-lineman in Vegas, when I was there by chance.
-AJ Nicholson, Bengals, domestic abuse
-Chris Henry, again, DUI
-Tank Johnson- DUI
-This PacMan Jones quote from last week sums it up “”Everybody keeps saying I’ve been arrested six times,” Jones said.

Pacman Jones, truly a misunderstood man.